Emotional and psychological abuse can be difficult to describe or identify and can present itself in many forms. A perpetrator may use words or non-physical actions to manipulate, hurt, upset, or scare you. It is therefore important to identify some of signs associated with this type of abuse to get the necessary support.
Identify emotional and psychological abuse
This type of abuse can leave deep, lasting scars on a person’s mental health and wellbeing. Unlike physical abuse, which leaves visible signs, emotional abuse often remains hidden, but can deeply affect a victim’s mental state, self-esteem and sense of safety. Does your partner, former partner, or family member, do any of the following?
- Isolate you from your family and friends
- Stop you going to college or work
- Control your money, or not give you enough to buy food or other essential things
- Constantly check where you are
- Scream, shout, ridicule, bully and use intimidating behaviour towards you
- Mock, call you hurtful names or use derogatory words about you
- Belittle you, or constantly put you down
- Make you feel frightened or pressurise you into making decisions
- Sulk and refuse to talk, or be kind only until you do something they want
- Make unreasonable demands for your attention
- Accuse you of flirting or having affairs
- Tell you that you deserve the abuse or blame you for the abuse or arguments
- Deny that abuse is happening, or play it down
- Tell you who to see, what to wear, where to go, and what to think or say
- Manipulate you to do what they want
- Threaten that they will destroy something, hurt you or commit suicide
- Use the children to bully you or blackmail you to stay in the relationship (for example, by reporting you to social services, mental health team or the police if you do not do what they say)
- Threaten to kill or harm you and your children
- Make you doubt your own mental health
Gaslighting
One common form of emotional abuse is gaslighting, a manipulative tactic where an abuser makes the victim doubt their own reality, memories, or perceptions. It is a very subtle form of psychological manipulation, which is done over time and can sometimes span over several months or even years.
Gaslighting can often come alongside other forms of abuse. Here are some signs you may be a victim of this type of abuse:
- You constantly second guess yourself.
- You regularly feel confused and even crazy.
- You feel as though you can never do anything right.
- You often wonder if you are 'good enough’ for your partner.
- You are always apologising to your partner.
- You frequently make excuses for your partner's behaviour to friends and family.
- You find it difficult to make simple decisions.
- You ask yourself whether you are being ‘too sensitive’ multiple times a day.
- You lie to avoid put-downs and 'reality twists'.
- You feel hopeless and joyless.
- You have the sense that you used to be a different person – happier, more confident, and relaxed.
- You know something is wrong, but can’t quite express what it is.
Get support
Visit our local service directory to find support near you
If you are worried that someone else may be the victim of violence, abuse or neglect, you can report your concern about the wellbeing of a child or vulnerable adult, directly to us, or to Avon and Somerset Police
Protect yourself from emotional and psychological abuse
- Trust your instincts: If something feels wrong or you feel constantly undermined, trust your feelings. Gaslighting is designed to make you doubt your reality, so rely on your instincts.
- Keep a record: If possible, keep a journal of incidents that are making you feel upset, confused or belittled. Writing them down can help you track patterns of abuse and remind you that your experiences are real.
- Set boundaries: Emotional abusers often push boundaries to maintain control.
- Rebuild your support network: Reconnect with trusted friends, family, or support services who can provide validation and help you see the situation clearly.
- Seek professional help: A therapist or counsellor can help you process your emotions, gain perspective, and develop strategies for coping or exiting an abusive situation.
Related forms of abuse
Emotional and psychological abuse often happens in combination with other forms of domestic abuse. Find out more by visiting our separate pages on: